Back after a long break
Hello again…well, it’s been almost two months. What happened? A month of frantic efforts at making the house more secure to reduce the chance of a future break-in; finally realizing that I needed to pace myself with that when I got so depressed that I didn’t care whether I lived or died; a half-week at the shore with Mike (that would be your great-uncle) and family where I felt like I belonged to a family in a way that was so nourishing; a half-week back home doing projects in a meditative “work-practice” manner, leaving me feeling deeply satisfied; a very rough re-entry back at work where I wanted to run screaming from other people wanting things from me – I just wanted to keep tending to these deep aching places in me; a total meltdown over the weekend, again so depressed, feeling so lost, like I couldn’t figure out how to find my way toward a life that works; a renewed commitment to spiritual practices this week – reading Eknath Easwaran, sitting more regularly for longer periods, within two days of the meltdown feeling more deeply calm and at peace than I’ve felt in ages – like I’ve moved through one small part of an ancient deep grief, and now I’m a little freer. So one more step back to re-joining the living is to be here, writing. So here I am – today just a declaration that I’m back. I hope to have more new things unfolding that are worth commenting on here.